


This was how things were always supposed to be

by Lady_of_the_Rings



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Basically a bunch of headcanons smooshed together, Canon Divergence, Carol is mama, F/F, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I guess I can only write at midnight, I promise, Insecure Carol, Just the blip, Maria is mom, Monica is their daughter, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Really Character Death, Protective Carol Danvers, but it's cute, i've heard both, idk which is right, no beta we die like women, no cussing, or the snap, protective maria rambeau, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:42:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22096585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_of_the_Rings/pseuds/Lady_of_the_Rings
Summary: A bunch of headcanons that make up the semi-cohesive story of Maria Rambeau and Carol Danvers. Varying angst/fluff levels but happy ending I promise!
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	This was how things were always supposed to be

**Author's Note:**

> Oof. It's been a weird week, my family has come to visit, and let me tell you it was a bit of a mess. Anyway, this is all the stuff I was thinking about for this ship, and instead of writing something clean and detailed, i wrote this train wreck. To my credit, it seemed like a good idea at the time.  
> Hey, I tried! :D

For the last time, Maria Rambeau-Danvers was waiting for Carol. She sat on the front porch, on the wooden swing Carol had helped put up, drinking from the coffee mug Carol had bought her for her birthday, and she waited.

~~~~~~~~~

She knew that Carol could take care of herself. She knew it, yet never fully believed it. Even when your wife was a super-powered alien, Maria could still remember the times when Carol would get in a bar fight, and Maria would have to pull her away, and drive her home. She could still remember wiping the red blood from Carol's nose and seeing the purple-black bruises bloom over her face and body.

“I told you to stop getting in fights,” whispered Maria, pressing her forehead to Carol's.

Carol stood up quickly, anger evident in her movements. “But he was insulting you! Didn't you hear what he said!? What he called you!? What he called us?” she said, voice breaking at the end.

“I know, baby,” said Maria, gently brushing the tears away from Carol's cheek. “But you have to stop listening to them.”

“B-but I can't,” whispered Carol. “E-even if they don't say it to our faces, they all think it. Our friends, the squad, your parents-” she looked down at the ground- “I don't know why they hate us. We aren't doing anything wrong.”

Maria looked at her tear-stained face, heart breaking. She rarely saw Carol like this, so upset and vulnerable. “Well, they're wrong,” she said, gently raising Carol's chin, forcing her to look her in the eyes. “But I don't care about them. I care about you. And if that means pushing them away, those people who will never understand me and will never understand us, then so be it.”

Carol smiled a watery smile up at her. “Then so be it.”

Maria had never forgotten those moments, where Carol was so fragile and scared and _human_. It was still the same Carol, no matter how much power or blue alien blood she had now. She was still just as breakable.

~~~~~~~

Every time Carol left for another mission, Maria felt like a piece of her heart was floating away. Even though she had felt that feeling before, _for six whole years,_ it never stopped hurting. If anything, it hurt more, and sometimes Maria felt that she should say no, and keep Carol with her forever, and never let her go. She knew she was being selfish. There were so many planets and galaxies that needed Carol's help. But still, Maria wished she wouldn't go.

~~~~~~

She could remember what it was like, believing Carol was dead. Every night she'd cry herself to sleep, and every morning she'd wake up, and stare at the empty space next to her on the bed. It was torture, thinking that Carol would never come home. Having to tell their daughter that her Mama wouldn't be able to go to her softball game, or watch the stars, or call her “Lieutenant Trouble” ever again.

She could never really make herself believe Carol was gone. Even though that's what everyone said, even though no one found any evidence that she was still alive, Maria refused to believe Carol was gone. She wouldn't. Any minute, Carol would come walking in, back from some daring mission, full of exotic and half-true tales to tell Monica and soft eyes and glowing smile for Maria. She'd tell her that she was sorry she took so long, and she would never do that to her again. She'd say “I love you” with the gentile, lilting voice she only ever used for Maria and Monica, and she would kiss Maria on the lips and wipe her tears away and tell her that everything was going to be okay.

And in the morning, Maria would wake up, and Carol's warm body would be laying next to her, and everything _would_ be okay.

Monica knew, too. She knew her Mom didn't think Carol was dead, so she didn't, either. They kept all of Carol's things, only boxing away what caused the most pain to see again.

Every once in a while, Maria would open a box, and look through it. It hurt, seeing the pictures where Carol was smiling and laughing, without a care in the world. But it hurt not to remember, too. Sometimes, Maria would jolt awake at night, panicked when she couldn't remember a detail about Carol, panicked when she was having problems recalling her voice or the way she laughed. Those nights, she would pull one of her old shirts out, one that hadn't been washed in six years, one that still smelling of sandalwood and grease and _Carol._ She promised herself that she'd never forget anything. Ever.

~~~~~

After Carol had been gone for a month, Monica started writing her letters. At first they were mainly doodles of planes and cats, but eventually they involved Monica describing everything that happened in their lives since Carol had gone missing. “Dear Mama,” she would write, “I made a new friend today. Her name is Elizabeth and she's really nice. She has two dads, and I told her all about you. You would like her. Love, Monica.”

She would keep them all in a little box under her bed. “For when Mama comes home,” she told Maria.

Over the years, the letters piled up. Monica was insistent that Carol was alive.

Maria hoped she was right.

~~~~~~

When Carol finally did come home, Maria didn't know how she was supposed to feel. It was nothing like she had imagined. Instead of rushing forward to hug her girlfriend and her daughter, she just stood there. Confused.

It took Maria a second to realize that she didn't remember. Anything.

The person she loved didn't remember her.

Maria was angry. She knew that. She was angry at whoever had done this to Carol. Whoever had wiped her memory and broken her and turned her into whatever she was now.

But she was sad, too. Sad that Carol had come back, but not really. Sad that Carol would have to relearn everything about Maria and their daughter, if she even stayed at all. But most of all, she was sad that the person she had tried so hard to remember didn't remember her back.

~~~~~~

It got better. Monica showed Carol all her old things, explaining the memories behind them all, and Maria caught a few glimpses of the old Carol when she interacted with their daughter.

As embarrassed as she was to admit it now, she had been avoiding talking to Carol on her own. She didn't know what to say. What do you say to the person you loved after six years?

One day, Carol pulled her aside. “I'm sorry,” she said, looking down at her feet.

This wasn't what Maria was expecting. “For what?”

Carol looked up from her feet, eyes shining from emotion. “I'm sorry I disappeared. I'm sorry I didn't remember.” She took a shuddering breath. “I'm sorry for leaving you. If you don't want me around anymore, I understand.”

Maria gaped at the statement. “None of that is your fault!” she said forcefully. “And I don't want you to leave.”

Carol edged closer to her, slowly, as if worried Maria will step away. “I feel like you've been avoiding me.”

Maria sighed, and tried to keep herself from crying. “I'm just scared.”

“Me too.”

They were silent for a moment. Then, Carol said, “Do you want to figure this out together?”

Maria took her by the hand, not even caring as the tears started to slip down. “Together.”

~~~~~~

A few days after, Maria showed Carol the letters.

“Ever since you left, Monica has been writing you these letters,” said Maria quietly. “I think it's time you read them.”

Carol slowly sat down on the bed. Maria sat next to her. She opened up the first letter, smiling at the pictures Monica had drawn.

They spent the rest of the day reading. Carol cried. A lot.

But it was okay. Because Maria was there, and so was Monica. They were together, and Carol was not going to let anything break them apart again.

~~~~~~

Realistically, Maria knew Carol would have to go sometime. But why did it have to be now?

“I'm sorry, Maria, but this is urgent. They need my help,” said Carol.

Maria sighed. “I know. Just, don't get hurt, okay?” Carol nodded, grinning rather cheekily. “I won't.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Carol flew off, and Maria felt a piece of her heart float off with her.

~~~~~~~

“You'll do fine, Mama,” assures Monica. Carol was hyperventilating. She clutches the little black box in her hands like her life depends on it.

“I hope so,” she says. Ever since they had gotten together, Carol had dreamed of this moment. But she knew it was impossible. Two women couldn't get married then, and she had doubted they ever could.

But now they could. And Carol wanted to do it right.

She took Maria out to dinner at a fancy restaurant. Normally, they just went to a bar for a date, but Carol wanted this night to be special.

Maria took about two hours to get dressed. She wore red sleeveless dress that contrasted beautifully with her dark skin. The necklace Carol had bought from an alien market glittered iridescent red.

Carol smiled softly at her. She was dressed in a black cocktail dress with golden hoop earrings. “You look beautiful.”

Maria smiled back. “But you look better.”

After they had dinner, they walked for a while. The sunset cast a red-orange glow on Maria's face. Carol swallowed hard. She was gorgeous.

Slowly, ever-so-slowly, Carol got down on one knee. Maria's breath caught in her throat.

“Maria Isabella Rambeau,” she said carefully. “Will you marry me?”

Carol had barely opened the ring-box before she was tackled in a hug by Maria. “Yes. Yes now and always.”

Carol let out a small sob, and squeezed Maria tighter. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

~~~~~~~

Carol took a deep breath. This was it. The day she'd been dreaming about since she was a little girl. She felt a warm feeling bloom in her chest as she watches Maria walk down the aisle.

Maria had Fury walk her down the aisle, since her parents didn't approve of her marrying a woman. She looked gorgeous, with a sleeveless silk dress with a long white veil covering her face. She was smiling a blindingly wide smile at Carol, and she was so happy to be finally marrying the woman she loved.

Maria had never seen Carol look so beautiful. She wore a white lace dress and a white flower crown that stood out against her blonde hair. Her eyes were shiny and glowy with emotions.

She smiled softly at Carol and started her vows. “First time I met you,” she started, grinning stupidly, “You beat up a guy who was hitting on me.”

Carol laughed.

“I fell in love with you when you beat up the second guy for me.” Maria took a deep breath. “And I fell in love with you again. And again. And then we had a daughter. And you were the best mom I'd ever seen. I think I always knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but the first time I admitted it to myself was when I saw you with Monica. You were so sweet, holding her so tenderly, and I promised myself then that I wouldn't let you go. That we'd spend the rest of our days together. And now I'm keeping that promise.”

Carol looked up at Maria, trying and failing to keep the emotion out of her eyes. “I spent weeks worrying about writing my vows. I probably went through a forest of paper. I wrote the same things over and over in different ways, but nothing seemed good enough. And, honestly, I don't even know if I'm good enough. After all these years, raising a daughter together, I can't believe how lucky I am. How lucky I am to have you, Maria. And it turns out all I could think of for my wedding vows was this: I love you, Maria Rambeau. I always have and I always will.”

Maria felt a small tear trickle down her face.

“Maria Isabella Rambeau, do you take Carol Susan Jane Danvers to be your lawfully wedded wife?” asked the priest.

“I do.”

“Carol Susan Jane Danvers, do you take Maria Isabella Rambeau to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.”

“You may kiss the bride,” said the priest.

Maria laughed pulling Carol in for a tender kiss. “This might just be the best day of my life,” she whispered against Carol's lips.

Carol laughed softly. “Mine too.”

~~~~~~~

When Maria and Monica got snapped, Carol didn't know what to do with herself. She was on a mission when it happened. She remembered seeing some of the planet's inhabitants float away into dust.

She though it was localized to the planet she was on.

She was wrong.

When she went home, instead of being greeted by her smiling wife like normal, Carol was greeted by silence. At first she thought that maybe she was still asleep, because it was early in the morning.

So she walked over to their bedroom. But the bed was empty, and the sheets looked untouched.

Carol frowned. After searching the house, she couldn't find Maria.

Starting to panic, Carol called Monica. No answer.

After she heard about the Snap, she cried all night and all the next morning, too.

~~~~~~

Carol kept working, throwing herself into her work. It was the only thing that dulled the pain, and the only thing that gave her hope that her wife and daughter might come back.

~~~~~~

After Thanos was defeated, Carol looked around the battlefield. Tired, bloodstained people wandered and limped around, eyes wide at the sudden silence. Some were crying tears of joy, glad to be back together after five years, others in sadness, crying over the bodies of people who died bringing them back.

She wanted to help them, but she was so very tired. It dawns on her that maybe she's more human than she thought. All those years ago, when she was Vers and she had forgotten all about her past. When she forgot about Maria and Monica and her dreams and wishes. It was easier, she supposed. Not acting human. Not showing everyone how vulnerable and weak you were. Less chance of getting hurt again. Less chance of hurting someone else.

But Maria had been patient. She had slowly helped Carol regain her memories. She was never mad at her, only loving and kind. She had missed Maria so very much in the last five years. Monica too. Neither had deserved to disappear.

Carol wondered if this was how Maria felt. In the six years she had been gone. They had talked about it, but they talked more about Carol's trauma rather than Maria's. She realizes now that that was a mistake.

But she had come back. And now, hopefully, Carol had been able to bring them back, too. Maria, Monica, and everyone else who had disappeared, they were all coming back.

Maybe later. Maybe later they would all come together and talk. Maybe when everyone had recovered and they could all talk about this without the pain feeling so fresh. For now, she would rather act like everyone else, and go home. Go home and see who was back and cry and act _human._

She sighed. She hasn't felt human in a very long time, she thinks to herself as she flies away, as she flies _home_.

She touches down on her front lawn. It's been too long, she thinks. Too long since I've been home.

And when Maria and Monica come running out the front door and Carol hugged them both and cried. Just cried. She wanted to tell them how much she missed them, but every time she tried to talk, only a sob came out.

Maria cradled Carol's head tenderly. “We're here, baby. Don't worry. We're here.”

~~~~~~~~

It got better. Sometimes Carol would still wake up in a blind panic, looking for her wife, but Maria would always hold her as she cried and told her it was going to be okay.

~~~~~~~

Carol was mostly retired now. They were both getting older, and Carol wanted to cherish the moments they had left.

But sometimes she still went on missions, when she was needed. But this time, she told Maria it was the last one. She was retiring for good.

“Good,” said Maria. “That's good.” And she smiled softly at her wife. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” said Carol, taking off in a streak of bright light.

~~~~~~

Maria was sitting on the porch swing Carol had helped put up, sipping pitch black coffee from the mug Carol got her for her birthday. She watched with a barely concealed smile as Carol landed on the grass in the front yard.

She walked over to her wife, and hugged her. And Carol hugged her back.

And as they walked back to their house, hand in hand, Maria turned to Carol and said, “This is how things are supposed to be.”

Carol nodded. “This is how things were always supposed to be.”

**Author's Note:**

> I might expand on some of these ideas later, when I learn to write. Low-key proud of this but I haven't slept in a while so IDK :/  
> I appreciate all your comments and kudos!


End file.
